Could I be a bar-star?
Last night was spent at "the Scuz"...yes I know I can hear the gasps & comments of "what the hell was she thinking"; my sister convinced me to come along & my brother from Edmonton was in town so I thought "meh?"
Of course we were greeted with a huge lineup of drunken fools waiting for the all-mighty bouncer man to pick them to go through. So we wait. We encounter two drunkards from some small town who try to start up a rousing conversation involving the NHL. Ha! Of course Jordy & I are clueless, loathing the sport, but my brother tries to humour the guy. It ends with the two drunkies arguing over why Tampa Bay sucks. Thankfully my cousin sees us & pulls us up to the front of a shorter "VIP" line to get in faster...but it'll cost us $5/piece instead of $2. I give the bouncer the evilest eye I can muster...jerkface.
The place is PACKED! It feels like Shambhala all over again except wait a minute..the music sucks, the people are all slutted out to the max & oh yes I'm in SASKATOON! Strangely through the mass of backfat & sideways hats I see a familiar face. It's Bdan's bro, Kevin. He pushes his way over & we both are just as shocked & clueless as to why we're both there. I'm about to introduce my sister to him when she loudly "whispers" above the crowd to me "Who are you talking to?? He looks like DAN!"
"Yes this is Dan's brother Kevin"
"Oh wow you sure look like Dan! Omigod did I mention you look like Dan??" she looks at me "I can't believe how much he looks like Dan"
Kevin says "It's alright" kinda looks away
My sister then pulls a Will Ferrell from Old School & whispers (loudly) with her hand to the side of her mouth to me "He even SOUNDS like Dan!!"
Eek the awkwardness of a drunk sibling. She wanders off, & Kevin escapes. I'm so sorry!!! The night continues...
We finally find a table to the back of the bar & have a couple drinks. The 3 of us decide at some point that this sucks huge & wait for my sister to return so we get hit the road. People watching is so much fun!!
This guy comes by the table, stops, points at me & exclaims "HMV right?" He then pulls up a chair & makes himself at home.
"So what kinda music comes out this week, anything good?"
I hate this question. 1)I'm not at work so don't ask 2)As if I can remember with blasting J-Lo over the crap speakers 3)They won't know the bands I'll mention anyways...he looks like a Theoryofanickelcreed kinda guy
I shrug "Sept. a bigger release month. I can only remember DVD releases right now"
"Oh....so like....what you doing....later? Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah"
"Oh shit is he here??"
"Yeah right there" I point to an oblivious Jordy across the table laughing at some random hooch
"oh shit uh....."
Laughing "it's ok...this doesn't have to be awkward!!"
The guy then calls for a friend to bail him out & he spends the rest of the night wistfully looking at me from across the bar. Right so this is why I don't come to these places...the meat market isn't fun for a veggie like me! & I was even dressed incognito...my dreads up in a toque & my black patched sweater. Ah well...I guess I'd have to show more skin to be a TRUE bar star.
I can't get those damn J-Lo horns outta my head!!!!
Of course we were greeted with a huge lineup of drunken fools waiting for the all-mighty bouncer man to pick them to go through. So we wait. We encounter two drunkards from some small town who try to start up a rousing conversation involving the NHL. Ha! Of course Jordy & I are clueless, loathing the sport, but my brother tries to humour the guy. It ends with the two drunkies arguing over why Tampa Bay sucks. Thankfully my cousin sees us & pulls us up to the front of a shorter "VIP" line to get in faster...but it'll cost us $5/piece instead of $2. I give the bouncer the evilest eye I can muster...jerkface.
The place is PACKED! It feels like Shambhala all over again except wait a minute..the music sucks, the people are all slutted out to the max & oh yes I'm in SASKATOON! Strangely through the mass of backfat & sideways hats I see a familiar face. It's Bdan's bro, Kevin. He pushes his way over & we both are just as shocked & clueless as to why we're both there. I'm about to introduce my sister to him when she loudly "whispers" above the crowd to me "Who are you talking to?? He looks like DAN!"
"Yes this is Dan's brother Kevin"
"Oh wow you sure look like Dan! Omigod did I mention you look like Dan??" she looks at me "I can't believe how much he looks like Dan"
Kevin says "It's alright" kinda looks away
My sister then pulls a Will Ferrell from Old School & whispers (loudly) with her hand to the side of her mouth to me "He even SOUNDS like Dan!!"
Eek the awkwardness of a drunk sibling. She wanders off, & Kevin escapes. I'm so sorry!!! The night continues...
We finally find a table to the back of the bar & have a couple drinks. The 3 of us decide at some point that this sucks huge & wait for my sister to return so we get hit the road. People watching is so much fun!!
This guy comes by the table, stops, points at me & exclaims "HMV right?" He then pulls up a chair & makes himself at home.
"So what kinda music comes out this week, anything good?"
I hate this question. 1)I'm not at work so don't ask 2)As if I can remember with blasting J-Lo over the crap speakers 3)They won't know the bands I'll mention anyways...he looks like a Theoryofanickelcreed kinda guy
I shrug "Sept. a bigger release month. I can only remember DVD releases right now"
"Oh....so like....what you doing....later? Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Yeah"
"Oh shit is he here??"
"Yeah right there" I point to an oblivious Jordy across the table laughing at some random hooch
"oh shit uh....."
Laughing "it's ok...this doesn't have to be awkward!!"
The guy then calls for a friend to bail him out & he spends the rest of the night wistfully looking at me from across the bar. Right so this is why I don't come to these places...the meat market isn't fun for a veggie like me! & I was even dressed incognito...my dreads up in a toque & my black patched sweater. Ah well...I guess I'd have to show more skin to be a TRUE bar star.
I can't get those damn J-Lo horns outta my head!!!!
posted by Natty at 11:27 AM
5 Comments:
I can't imagine you as a hoochie bar star. That would just be wrong. But, whatever suits your fancy.
HAHAAHAHAHAH!
that was hilarious, man. i couldn't stop laughing. i wish i could have been there to loom over the dude who tried picking you up. it's all about the intimidation!
That would've been soooo funny! Yes I definately need to have a "loomer" around when I go to these places!
I always pictured you as the bar star type. Huh. I guess I can be wrong after all.
Sounds like a thoroughly pleasant night, choc-full of rich, meaty goodness. Wish I could've been there.
Well you'll just have to find the perfect "bar star" setting in Vancouver when I come see you in Oct! Then I can show you how many phone #s I can get... (?!?!)
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